


Ruin Your Life

by Renookie



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack Treated Way Too Seriously, Gen, I tried a new tense and it may not have worked, author decides to rewrite canon using ocs but still keeps the characters' names, azula and zuko are twins, azula ruins her own life au, but it was fun as hell, role reversal but not really, that's an exaggeration but the characters get real different real fast
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:53:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26722462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Renookie/pseuds/Renookie
Summary: There is a world where Azula can smile gleefully as the line of succession is brought to a stop in front of her and all she needs is one more step to reach the throne. There is a world where Ozai only loved one of his children, where a letter sent ruined a father and son forever.But there is no letter, and Azula's chains are loose enough that her wrists haven't gone numb yet.- -Both siblings are prodigies. Allowing them to work together could present a danger, so Ozai pits them against each other.This proves to be disastrous.
Relationships: Azula & Bad Life Choices, Azula & Ozai (Avatar), Zuko & Firebending
Kudos: 33





	1. 0 - arsonist's dancing fire

The royal family is blessed with twins. To an outsider, the two are almost identical, if not for their genders. Those within the palace know better.

The girl is named Azula, after her grandfather Azulon, and she shares the royal family's cruel streak. She grabs turtleducks by the neck and throws her playmates to the ground for fun. She laughs in the face of suffering and refuses to compromise. Fear is a foreign concept to her, and so is empathy.

The boy, Zuko, shares the family's temper. He could go from joyous to irate in an instant. However, he has one thing his sister lacks: a heart. He feeds the turtleducks with slow movements and pets them with gentle hands, and his games are always fair. He is nervous and clumsy, but always willing to offer a helping hand.

It's no surprise that when the twins get their fire, Azula uses it to burn a servant and Zuko uses it to light the way for a lost one. His flames radiate warmth and safety, while hers create hurt and rage.

The princess never forgets that despite this, her brother's flames burn brighter.

—

The palace's turtleduck pond is small and peaceful. As the turtleducks gather, their quiet quacks travel through the courtyard. A small boy, Prince Zuko, tosses them handfuls of bread as his mother sits beside him.

The princess watches nearby, cupping a flower in her hands. It's still attached to the bush; after all, picking flowers is for peasants who can't afford a garden. The edges of the flower smoke as the Princess watches the two at the pond. It's then that her mother leaves, probably for some urgent matter. Zuko stays.

She turns away, then looks to the flower in morbid curiosity.

What would happen if she set the whole bush on fire? How long would it burn? How high would the flames rise?

She starts with the flower. Tiny red flames dance on the sides of it now. They weave and collapse into one another like a waves of an ocean, and Azula is mesmerized. As the fire spreads further, she feels its heat hit her arms. But, she isn't afraid of being burned. The fire is hers to control, and even if it can't burn as bright as she wants it to, she can still manipulate it.

If only she could control people the way she controls fire, she thinks as it spreads further. There's a yell in from the pond; her brother has noticed. She ignores it in favor of watching her work, but knows she only has a few seconds more before Zuko is over here and he puts it out. She wills it to spread faster, and it follows her command.

The fire builds for a few more moments before being snuffed out. Azula turns to face the prince.

"Ruining my fun, Zuzu?" She says.

Zuko scowls. "You're not supposed to burn the plants. Don't you already know that?"

He knows that she knows. They both know. But that's half the fun.

She smirks. "Well if I can't practice my firebending on the plants, then I guess I'll have to use the turtleducks."

She takes a step forward before Zuko cries out. Satisfied that it's working, she takes another step. A hand latches onto her wrist.

"Azula, stop!" Zuko says.

"Let me think," Azula says, pretending to ponder before snatching her hand away and continuing on. "No!"

She runs to the pond, only slowing down enough so the turtleducks won't scatter. They're still distracted by the bread, and Azula picks up the nearest one by its neck. The animal squirms and lets out a feeble peep.

"Azula, no!" Zuko cries.

She holds it higher, about to summon her flames. Just before she can, she's stopped by a yell.

"Azula!"

It's her mother. She comes walking forward, disapproval and anger painted on her face. Azula drops the turtleduck and it quacks in alarm.

Oh, great. Another scolding.

Her mother's tone stings. It claws lines down her back, making her flinch. Azula does what she does best: she ignores it.

—

Their flames are both red, but her brother's have a hint of yellow. She dodges his strike and makes one of her own. Her fire is still red, but it dances better than Zuko's. While he's deflecting the flames, she knocks him over.

Azula doesn't help him up. Instead, she turns to the man before them eagerly.

"You can do better, Zuko," Father says. "Get up."

There is no comment spared for Azula, but the lack of criticism speaks even louder. Zuko may have more colorful fire, but for once, Azula has the upper hand.

That is, until Zuko stands up, eyes filled with a spark of determination. Their next spar is barely even. Zuko's strikes are faster, hotter, and Azula can barely keep up. This time, she gets the comment.

So, that night, she sneaks into the library. She finds the scrolls hidden in a shelf and practices the katas illustrated on them until she can barely stand.

The next day she meets with her and Zuko's instructor rather than father. He was probably busy; they're going to show their skills to grandfather soon. It's supposed to show how much better her father would be as crown prince than his older brother.

Azula's goal is the same—she has to show that she's better than Zuko. If she is better than him, father will love her more and mother will have to respect her.

Her instructor demonstrates a kata. She hadn't been listening, but she recognizes it from the scrolls. While Zuko struggles to copy the move, she smirks. He didn't put in the extra work, but she did. Her brother stares back at her and scowls as the instructor adjusts his position and demonstrates the move again.

On the turn in the middle of it, he trips. Azula snickers.

"I'd like to see you do better!" He yells.

She steps forward. "Gladly."

Azula closes her eyes. She's in the library again, breathing heavily as she goes through the form for the twelfth time in a row. Then, she opens her eyes, but keeps her mind in the library. She retraces each step she made the last time she did it.

"Good work, Azula," the instructor says.

Zuko's scowl deepens, and Azula laughs at the way his brow furrows. Later, when father praises her, Zuko makes the same face again.

—

She continues to sneak into the library and practice katas from the scrolls until she nearly passes out each night. The forms come easier to her, and she loves the look on Zuko's face when she gets a form faster than him.

The night before they're to display their skills to grandfather, Azula practices for hours and hours. She practices until her head aches and her legs feel like lead; but it's okay, she learned a new kata that the instructors hadn't taught her yet. Father will be proud, and grandfather will be impressed.

When she exits the library to go to bed, the halls are too alive for the dark hours of night. Her feet root themselves to the floor as the realization comes to her. She had trained so long that the sun rose. Azula can't go to bed now, because she's supposed to be awake.

So, she heads down to breakfast. Neither she nor Zuko eat much. She can tell he's nervous just from his eyes. He's an unsealed scroll, and anyone can just open him up and read him.

Azula isn't nervous, but her head pulses and her eyes feel too dry. The awful feeling ruins her appetite.

"It's okay to be nervous," her mother tells Zuko.

Zuko is nervous, but Azula isn't. Being nervous means that she thinks she could fail, and she can't. She practiced the new kata so many times she won't forget it.

Soon after breakfast, father takes them to the throne room. Her grandfather sits behind a wall of roaring flame, and the sound of its crackles reach her long before they enter. The two siblings kneel before their grandfather as he gazes at them, inspecting them the way a general inspects their soldiers.

Zuko insists on going first. His form isn't perfect. It's one of the newest ones, and Azula suppresses a smile once she realizes. He shouldn't have picked a form he barely practiced. At the end, he almost trips. Grandfather doesn't seem very impressed, and father seems to be growing antsy. When Zuko returns, his eyes fall to he floor and remain fixed there.

"That was awful, Zuzu," Azula whispers as she stands.

Then, she steps forward. She tries her best to suppress her excitement as she begins the form. But, as she moves, something feels wrong.

Azula is heavy. With the force from moving from the first position of the kata to the second, her head pounds like a drum.

Grandfather taps his fingers.

Her foot slips ever so slightly.

Father scowls.

Her eyes burn, but not with tears. She wants to squeeze them shut.

Zuko stares at her in confusion.

She finishes the kata and returns to her spot as quickly as possible. Her eyes and head still hurt and she wants to dig her nails into her face to make it stop, but father and grandfather and Zuko are watching.

She tries her best to listen, but the pain is too distracting.

"That was really slow," Zuko says quietly. She can barely hear him over grandfather and father. "Where did you learn that one?"

"None of your business, dum-dum," Azula replies.

When father leads them out of the throne room, she barely catches him mutter, "Two disappointments instead of one."

Then he looks back at them, and Azula knows that he wanted them to hear. She promises herself that she won't be a disappointment again.

Then, she trips Zuko and he yelps. Mother rushes to his aid.

"Clumsy Zuzu," Azula says. She watches his face contort in anger and giggles. He always looks so funny when he's angry.

Her mother glares at her. Azula ignores it.

—

Though she is as strong as her brother, there are moments when others treat her differently. She doesn't understand why. If anything, Azula is the superior sibling.

When Uncle Iroh sends her and Zuko a letter, he also sends them gifts. Zuko gets a beautiful dagger with a perfect grip. Azula gets a doll with a dress.

She scoffs at it. The doll is no warrior; it's just a decoration. Whatever character she can put behind it is weak.

While Zuko's dagger says "never give up without a fight," Azula doesn't need an inscription to figure out that the doll says "sit still and look pretty."

So, she burns it. The fire travels up it slower than it did on the bush, but faster than the curtains she burned last week. She smiles as its face is scorched away and her mother yells.

When Zuko plays with the dagger, she wishes that she had gotten one.

—

The next few years are a battle of supremacy. Zuko and Azula fight for their father's favor like two turtleducks fighting for breadcrumbs.

Azula still sneaks into the library to practice forms, but somehow, Zuko manages to keep up. She's only a step ahead instead of leaps and bounds. Each day drags on as she grows more and more tired due to staying up.

When she gets sent to school, it's almost a relief. Her firebending practice slows so she can study.

Getting good marks is easy. She doesn't even have to try.

But when she returns home, Zuko is already there. He was never sent out. Father hired him private tutors.

Azula tries to rationalize this. Zuko must've been so stupid that father had to hire the tutors.

Then, she and Zuko no longer share lessons. She goes to her lesson just when Zuko is about to leave his. The forms he executes are complicated and beautiful, and Azula doesn't recognize them at all. His flames are yellow-orange with white in the center.

As Azula does her katas, she ignores the color of her fire. It's still red.

Her instructor tells her that she has nothing to draw from, and he's right. She's not joyful, sad, or even angry enough. Unlike her brother, who can feel so strongly and care so much, Azula has nothing.

That doesn't stop her from practicing in the library at night, and it certainly doesn't stop her from picking on Zuko.

Still, Zuko's flames burn brighter. Still, mother nurtures Zuko and father watches him with interest.

Still, Azula ignores it all.

—

"Dad's going to kill you!" Azula sings. When her brother stares back in disbelief, she adds, "Really, he is!"

"He'd never do that! Stop lying, Azula."

"Why would I lie? I heard him," Azula says. "Grandfather was really angry when father suggested that he hand over the birthright. He said, 'You must know the pain of losing a son!'"

"That's stupid," Zuko says. "Dad would never kill me."

This isn't working. Azula pushes it further.

"But he said yes! He's going to do it!"

Zuko laughs. He laughs.

It used to be so easy to rile him up. Azula could just go near the turtleducks and he'd get upset. She could burn his toys and he'd start crying. But now he has an ego, and she hates it. It's all because mother and father love him so much! Just when she has something to dangle over him, he doesn't jump for it.

"That's a good joke, Azula."

He's not laughing the next morning when mother is gone, and he's not laughing at grandfather's funeral. If Azula wasn't supposed to look sad, she would be smiling. Zuko should be upset, because he was wrong and she was right.


	2. zuko is

Years pass quicker than Zuko can remember them. He pulls fire from an innate want to express, something that he has learned through his mother's kind words. She wasn't a firebender, but if she was, she would've been the best one to exist. In every word she spoke and every action she took, Zuko's mother was passionate and true.

While Father calls on his fire to strike fear and Azula calls on it to destroy, Zuko calls on his fire to create. Each movement is a step in a performance. Every dodge and flicker and dance is a tiny piece of an intricate play.

The source of fire isn't an emotion or a thought—it's the self. Zuko knows himself better than he could ever know anyone.

To lie is to corrupt the self, and to misrepresent is to forget the self. Zuko never lies, and Zuko never deceives.

He just is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's supposed to be a pattern--longer chapter, then a drabble. We'll see if I keep it.
> 
> Because the drabble chapters are so short, I'll try to post them along with a longer update. But, all of the chapters in this fic are pretty short so it doesn't matter much.


	3. ignore the recoil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the plan falls into place.

Azula has a plan. It's a simple one. If there's no Zuko, then she won't have to compete with anyone. If there's no Zuko, she will have all of her father's attention.

She just has to find a way to get rid of him permanently, and the opportunity presents itself to her perfectly. There's a war meeting soon, and she begs to be let in. Father would refuse, so she goes to her Uncle.

He's easy to convince. The loss of his son has turned him weak and compliant, and Azula tries her best to act like an excitable child.

When she enters the room, Zuko is already there. It's his first meeting, and he was invited by father. After all, the crown prince needs to know how to rule his nation.

Azula sits beside him with a smirk, and Zuko eyes her with suspicion.

"Why are you here, Azula?" Zuko asks.

"I'm just filling in for Uncle, Zuzu," she says. "He's too busy being sad and making tea."

"That's rude," Zuko says, and he sounds so much like mother. And, well, maybe it was, but Azula didn't care.

Then, the meeting begins. Azula pays careful attention, looking for her moment, but feigns disinterest. Beside her, Zuko is troubled but not agitated. He doesn't say a word as the generals speak.

Then, the moment comes.

The head general, a rather old man that didn't stand out any more than a piece of hay in a stack, is speaking. "We place the 41st division here as a distraction—"

"That division is made entirely of new recruits! How do you expect them to defeat an Earth Kingdom battalion?" Another man interrupts. Based on his position in the room, the man is lower ranking than most of the others. He must be new to his position.

"I don't."

Using them as a distraction would lead to a slaughter. Azula's breath stops as her chest turns to stone. She digs her nails into her arms and ignores the feeling.

Yes, sacrificing lives wasn't ideal, but this is a war and the fort they are meant to capture is essential.

She taps Zuko on the arm. He turns to her and she returns her hands to her arms. His eyes meet hers and her nails dig deeper into her arms. Then, the message is passed. He stands, and she looks away. It's easiest to act when there's a piece of truth in the lie.

"That's wrong!" Zuko says. The entire room falls silent. "These soldiers are loyal to the Fire Nation. We can't just use them like this!"

Their father rises from his seat, and both siblings flinch.

—

Father's hand cups Zuko's face. He says something quietly. Only Zuko can hear it.

Zuko's eyes widen as flame roars, and soon, the sound of fire is mixed with the sound of screaming.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

He was supposed to fight, wasn't he? But, fighting and losing is treason, punishable by death. Fighting and winning isn't an option.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

There is a world where Azula can smile gleefully as the line of succession is brought to a stop in front of her and all she needs is one more step to reach the throne. There is a world where Ozai only loved one of his children, where a letter sent ruined a father and son forever.

But there is no letter, and Azula's chains are loose enough that her wrists haven't gone numb yet.

For a moment, she wonders what she has just done. Is her brother dying? Is he already dead?

Then, she wonders what her father has just done. Would he do it again?

Azula has her entire lifetime to find out.

So, Azula does what she does best: she ignores it.

—

The plan continues to backfire. Father takes the next day's lesson, dismissing her instructor.

They go over forms, and Azula proudly shows off her latest. She ignores the tenseness of her chest and the speed of her breaths.

"Your brother mastered that form the week after you left for school," Father says when she finishes. "I would've thought you would know more by now."

That's because he had tutors, she tries to say, but her mouth refuses to open. She tries again, but the words that come out are jumbled, messy, and not what she was trying to say at all.

"I—he—! I'm sorry, father!"

Her father grimaces at this. He grabs her wrist, and Azula tries her best to keep it from trembling.

"I want to remind you that weakness will not be tolerated in this family. You are the heir now, Azula. You're going to have to act like it," He says. "Don't think I didn't see you begging Zuko to speak out during the meeting."

For the first time in her life, Azula feels something truly and deeply. Her heart constricts and she tries her best not to cry.

Her father sighs. "Now that we've got that out of the way."

Then, the real training begins. As she goes through new forms, she begs herself not to trip. She has to be perfect.

—

She gets back onto her old schedule; training in the day, practice in the library at night. Sometimes, she even goes when training ends.

Each movement is beautiful. Every step is calculated.

But her fire is still weak. It's still same shade of red it's been since she was a toddler.

Then, one day, she trips in the middle of a kata. Her hair flies into her eyes, but she can still see her father's face. She moves to catch herself, but misses.

Her hands slam into the ground and her skin burns. She gasps in fear. Was father going to finish her right then and there?

Then, she sees it. The flames around her aren't red. They're bright blue. Her fire is hotter than Zuko's ever was.

Azula had found her source: fear.

—

Nights and days pass. She barely remembers them. They're all the same.

Her fire burns bright and it dances beautifully. If she wasn't so busy using it in training, she would watch it devour like she used to when she was a child. There is no mother to scold her now, and no brother to beg her to stop.

Father calls her a prodigy. She beams at the praise, and soaks in his pride like a sunflower.

She is sitting at the turtleduck pond. The bush she burned years ago had been replanted and now it has grown back stronger. Its flowers are a pretty blue like her own fire, when before they were red.

The turtleducks cower away from her as if she is diseased. She watches them weave and dive from a distance. Before Zuko and mother left, the pond was full of turtleducks. Now, only a single family of three remains.

It's such a pity that they're scared of her. Azula would love to feel their feathers again, even if the only times she was able to was when she grabbed them. They're such a fascinating texture. But, she would be judged if she kept a feather for herself.

"If you kill them, we can have them for dinner," Father says from behind her. Azula doesn't know when he came.

Roast turtleduck sounds delicious, but would it be worth it? There is no Zuko to tease about the ducks now, and the courtyard will be so quiet without them.

She turns to father. His face is unreadable. Azula can only be certain of one thing. This is a test.

She holds a flame in front of her face, watching it dance. Then, she aims. The fire sends the turtleducks towards her in a panicked frenzy.

She grabs the closest one by the neck. There is no Zuko to cry out, and no mother to stop her. There is only father.

Its neck feels so tiny, and its peeps are so pitiful and fearful. For a moment, the turtleduck becomes Zuko.

Azula tightens her grip on its neck. There is a lump that moves as it peeps louder, and as she tightens her grip even more, it's reduced to feeble cries. As she grips tighter, its spine stabs into her fingers.

Its struggles lessen and it falls still. As its body drops to the ground, Zuko dies. She cups his face, just like father, and covers him in flame.

Then, she rains fire upon the rest of the turtleducks. They cry out, like mother, asking her why. They scream like Zuko, and then they're quiet.

Father puts a hand on her shoulder.

Something is wrong. Something is deeply, deeply wrong.

Azula is cold. She feels nothing and everything. She doesn't know whether to cry or smile.

"Good work, Azula," Father says, and she latches onto it.

She did well. Father is proud of her.

So, she ignores the deep feeling of wrong and doesn't look back as she leaves the courtyard. She ignores the urge to cry as she sees turtleduck on the table that night.

Father is proud, and that's all that matters.

—

Crops must burn to clear way for new growth.

A weapon must be formed by heating metal and banging it into shape.

A child is metal, and their environment is a field.

There are innate qualities in a child, just as there are innate qualities in metal. But, with enough heat, both can be shaped.

Ursa and Zuko burned. Like an animal fleeing a fire, Iroh ran.

Ozai is the only one that stays. He holds the fire in his hands.

Azula is consumed by flame and hammered into shape.


	4. the fire barely burns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in a confusing world, zuko loses touch with himself.

Zuko is—was—is a prince. He may be exiled, but that will never change.

Zuko is one of the most powerful firebenders of his generation.

Zuko has a heart, and that heart nearly got him killed.

Zuko can feel. He feels ashamed, a deep shame that turns to anger.

There is only one way to return home. It is only a myth, but it is the only way.

The Avatar. The most powerful bender to ever exist. They can control all four of the elements. But, they haven't been seen for a hundred years.

The last Avatar was an Air Nomad. He will start at the air temples.

The temples are devoid of life. They are filled with skeletons and cobwebs. He tries not to look at them and moves on.

He forgets what the palace felt like. He grows unused to solid land as he spends years on a ship.

His fire dims with each failure.

The Avatar is evading him.

It fades from white to orange.

The Avatar isn't here.

It fades from orange to red.

The Avatar is hiding, waiting for him.

It is his destiny.

After air is water. The closest Water Tribe is the Southern.

The Avatar may only be a legend now, but when Zuko sees lights in the sky, he knows he has to follow them. Power emanates from them, and it hums in his veins.

When he reaches the tribe, his fire barely burns at all.


End file.
